You once fell in love. Heads over heels in love with your significant other. You saw the future you had never seen before marriage. You were young and it was like a whole new world opened up. You both spent every moment together. It was butterflies in your stomach when you were together. You fully understand your responsibilities in each other’s lives.
You both then looked at each other as if it was just your own world. With everything aside, you both were great for each other and taught each other necessary lessons in life.
Then you wanted more.
You’ve understood everything there is in love before you take one step ahead towards marriage. You were more than ready to give everything to the one you wanted to spend your life with. You and your partner were both prepared to enter the next phase, marriage.
So do you remember the vow you took during your wedding day? You promised to support your spouse in sickness and in health. Your obligations didn’t just stop there and you have the rights and responsibilities that single people do not have.
Months and years go by, you’ve built your own family together with your child. It was sweet and honeymoon moment with your significant. But the responsibilities got heavier as days went by.
You fought with your significant other about every little thing because of the tension and stress. You felt frustrated with your life and marriage. And you wonder how did your love end up so many responsibilities when all you ever saw was love and butterflies before marriage.
Soon, it was Sunday morning, your significant other was on a phone call while you’re preparing breakfast and feeding your three-year-old child at the same time. At one point, your one-year-old child cries for your attention but your significant other is busy with their career.
You feel as if you are alone, holding down a job while handling most of the housework and the children. You feel as if you do not have a life and your life revolves only around your family. Their needs come before you. The responsibilities are too much for you to bear.
So how did your love dies and becomes responsibilities after marriage?
When you and your partner are married, both of you expect each other to take part in their own role as husband and wife. For example, the husband expects the wife to do all the house chores and the wife expects husband to earn a living. And when things goes wrong, both of you starts pointing fingers at one another. You keep scores, blame and insult each other instead of admitting or even solving the issue. The tension arises concerning responsibilities. This is the part when the sparks goes off when both of you want each other to be responsible instead of being responsible together.
Winning Rather than Learning
We see things differently, we disagree with people in our life. And couples do too. But as couples go through different phases in life, they tend to lose the ability to listen deeply to one another and finding common ground. It cannot be denied that conflicts are bound to emerge between couples. But instead of finding the root of the problem, couples that are more focused on winning rather than learning are bound to lose the intimacy between one another.
Marriage is an experience, not a task of life
In marriage, couples learn through experience and stand by each other as a team. Between two person, one might be more dominant and has the power to control the outcome that evolves their conflict. Instead of pushing and undermining each other with every chance you get, couples should grow together and solve the issue together. Marriage is not a task in life. It doesn’t mean that once you had done your part, it ends there. In fact, marriage means growing up and experience the process together.
As couples goes through the experience, marriage obviously requires struggles and challenges. Some couples may want to throw in the towel and give it all up. But nevertheless, those experiences should be overcome together as long as both parties are willing to make the necessary adjustments. Give and take is the most important lesson in marriage and it is a victory for those who are willing to take responsibility for their marriage and relate one another in life.
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