Joan Dee | Wedding Blog

Do you remember your wedding vows?

“In good times and in bad times

To love and to cherish

Till death do us part”

Recently, I came across a love story between a man and wife. He documented his wife’s battle against breast cancer through a series of photos. New York photographer Angelo Merendino started taking pictures after his wife, Jennifer was diagnosed with breast cancer.

He tells their story in mywifesfightwithbreastcancer.com through a series of blog posts and photos.

The first time I saw Jennifer I knew. I knew she was the one. I knew, just like my dad when he sang to his sisters in the winter of 1951 after meeting my mom for the first time, “I found her.”

A month later Jen got a job in Manhattan and left Cleveland. I would go to the city – to see my brother, but really wanting to see Jen. At every visit my heart would scream at my brain, “tell her!!” but I couldn’t work up the courage to tell Jen that I couldn’t live without her. My heart finally prevailed and, like a schoolboy, I told Jen “I have a crush on you.” To the relief of my pounding heart, Jen’s beautiful eyes lit up and she said “Me too!”

Six months later I packed up my belongings and flew to New York with an engagement ring burning a hole in my pocket. That night, at our favorite Italian restaurant, I got down on my knee and asked Jen to marry me. Less than a year later we were married in Central Park, surrounded by our family and friends. Later that night, we danced our first dance as husband and wife, serenaded by my dad and his accordion – ♫ “I’m in the mood for love…”♫

Five months later Jen was diagnosed with breast cancer. I remember the exact moment…Jen’s voice and the numb feeling that enveloped me. That feeling has never left. I’ll also never forget how we looked into each other’s eyes and held each other’s hands. “We are together, we’ll be ok.”

With each challenge we grew closer. Words became less important. One night Jen had just been admitted to the hospital, her pain was out of control. She grabbed my arm, her eyes watering, “You have to look in my eyes, that’s the only way I can handle this pain.” We loved each other with every bit of our souls.

Jen taught me to love, to listen, to give and to believe in others and myself. I’ve never been as happy as I was during this time.

Throughout our battle we were fortunate to have a strong support group but we still struggled to get people to understand our day-to-day life and the difficulties we faced. Jen was in chronic pain from the side effects of nearly 4 years of treatment and medications. At 39 Jen began to use a walker and was exhausted from being constantly aware of every bump and bruise. Hospital stays of 10-plus days were not uncommon. Frequent doctor visits led to battles with insurance companies. Fear, anxiety and worries were constant.
Sadly, most people do not want to hear these realities and at certain points we felt our support fading away. Other cancer survivors share this loss. People assume that treatment makes you better, that things become OK, that life goes back to “normal.” However, there is no normal in cancer-land. Cancer survivors have to define a new sense of normal, often daily. And how can others understand what we had to live with everyday?

My photographs show this daily life. They humanize the face of cancer, on the face of my wife. They show the challenge, difficulty, fear, sadness and loneliness that we faced, that Jennifer faced, as she battled this disease. Most important of all, they show our Love.  These photographs do not define us, but they are us.

Cancer is in the news daily, and maybe, through these photographs, the next time a cancer patient is asked how he or she is doing, along with listening, the answer will be met with more knowledge, empathy, deeper understanding, sincere caring and heartfelt concern.

The harsh reality of battling against a metastatic breast cancer.

“Love every morsel of the people in your life.” – Jennifer Merendino

This is one of the “good” colour because it can go with any outfit… which includes your wedding dress. Not only is it easier to match, it helps elongate your legs too, especially in photoshoots.

The famous French footwear designer, Christian Louboution (famous for the red-bottomed soles) had released a rage of “nudes” collection, which features five styles in five different shades of nude. Each of those shades stand to represent the different skin tone covering the spectrum from fair blush to cream chestnut.

“Now women who are more on the chestnut side of the scale can own a shoe that becomes “a fluid extension of her legs, as in a sketch, elongating the silhouette,” as the designer puts it, in a news release.

Before the New York Fashion Week last month, Naomi Campbell together with Bethann Hardison (former modeling agent) will be releasing names of designers whose runways lacked diverse models. Even Kanye West joined the conversation by stating “no black guy at the end of the runway in Paris” at the late-night television host Jimmy Kimmel.

This new collection of Christian Louboutine will start at USD625 (RM2,000).

1. Your husband-to-be threatens divorce even before the wedding

Bridezilla on the run! This would really such, and you need help. There are just reasons why wedding planners are there to help you. It is their second job to make your wedding an enjoyable process!

2. When alcohol starts becoming your dinner, regularly

I have hit that point of stress in life, where I drank .. regularly. One glass of wine, a pint of beer, a shot of vodka and this is when I noticed I needed help… not the shrink. Just a help to share my burden. Time to call in the big dogs for help!

3. Your friends don’t want to play with you anymore

That’s because you suck the life right out of them. All you talk about is the wedding disaster you are going through and complaining about it non-stop. Bla.. bla bla…. now, that gets really annoying and kinda boring for chicks who aren’t having their wedding any time soon. So, hire a wedding planner. You pay them to LISTEN 🙂

4. When you start questioning if you have chosen the right wedding dress

You start asking your mum, sis, cousins or best friends to have a look at the dress every other day and asking if you’ve made the right choice. You have to go with your guts! If you fell in love with the dress for the first time, stick to it.

5. When your sex life fizzles because you’re way so stressed about the wedding

I mean… wait until it’s the wedding night. that’s when your sex will fizzle. But if this is a problem before the B-I-G day, then perhaps you should take a break and let him take a trip down your aisle, if you know what I mean *wink wink*

If you are showing any signs of the above mentioned, go get help.

Fast.

ASAP.

Pronto.

OPRAH WINFREY: IF HE HITS YOU ONCE, HE WILL HIT YOU AGAIN

Have you ever been into an abusive relationship? Or have you witnessed one growing up?

As for my childhood, I’ve witnessed an unhealthy dosage of violence between my parents. Fortunately, my mum took us and left him once she was able to care for us.

Examples of an abusive relationship:

If he or she is hitting, pushing or locking you up, that’s a clear indicator.

If he or she is constantly criticizing you or controlling what you wear, eat, see or even speak too.

If he or she is forcing you to do sexual things you don’t want to

Here’s a real life story of a close friend of mine, Ellie (name changed as usual to protect her) who was once a part of a 6-year abusive relationship. They were best friends before dating. He would go the extra mile to put a smile on her face.

However, the man she saw herself marrying turned into a monster 9 months into the relationship.

Why does the victim STAY?

Quoting Ellie, “He was my Krytonite. The one who hurt you will always be the first to comfort you back. Hence, turning the situation into a cycle. I got used to the whole process of  him hurting and comforting me at the same time. I knew he would always return to me after the drama.”

“He could never win in a verbal argument. His strength would be physical. That is his only way to shut me up in a disagreement. It all starting with a lot of pushing and hair pulling. He would grab my arms and shove me around. Sometime, he would choke me.”

Many asked why would any victim would continue dating her abuser. “I would have asked the same until I was standing in the shoe of the victim. The first sign of abuse came when he slapped me in the midst of a heated argument and that’s when the abusive stage of the relationship started.”

The last straw came when he told me that he wanted to put this relationship on hold for 3 months to date another girl who was on her summer break and she will be back in Malaysia. I couldn’t accept this, but I tried keeping my cool because I still had feelings for him. There was no contacts, no messages, no calls.. no nothing.

The girl never left after three months.

Ellie has been out of this relationship for 22 months and had learn to love herself more.

Word of advice?

“He will not be the last man you will ever love.”

Another friend of mine, Lia (name changed) was also a part of an abusive relationship. Lia dated Adam (not real name) for two years and the first sign of abuse started after 18 months of dating. There was a misunderstanding between them but Adam’s anger took over and slapped her twice.

That was the Lia’s first encounter with violence in her life. Immediately, she took off and ended the relationship. After days of apology and pleading, she gave in and forgave him. 6 months later, they got into another argument in the car and throughout the 15minutes journey, he was just hitting her again and again. She was in an helpless situation. She couldn’t leave the car. She didn’t have the strength to defend herself. It was a horrible nightmare.

Once they have arrived at Adam’s house, Lia got down the car immediately and went to Adam’s parents for help which made him even angrier. Adam’s dad came forward and stopped him for continuing the violence. Lia left and never once looked back at this again.

“Taking in any type of abuse is not a sign of a healthy relationship”

Kanye had finally place a ring in Kim Kardarshian’s finger.

Finally. It took him a long long long time to decide if he wants to marry her. She had passed the whole pregnancy game and now mother of one.

I was reading an article recently, regarding how these celebrities are comparing the size of their rocks.

The most ridiculous size belong to Elizabeth Taylor, with a huge 33 carat diamond, which is now famously known as the Elizabeth Taylor Diamond. It  was bought by Richard Burton for his lovely wife. She has worn it in a number of her interviews, once with Larry King Live back in 2003.

Now, that is over the top.

Now, do you remember a few years ago when Paris Hilton was dating a Greek tycoon named Paris Latsis? He bought her a 24 carat, emerald cut ring, worth about $4.7million (About RM15million).  It was so large that she would complain about it being too heaby. So, he gave her a Cartier eternity band to wear when the stone became “too much”

Yes ladies. Start drooling. 🙂

Have you seen Beyonce’s ring? Jay-Z bought her an 18-carat, FLAWLESS diamond worth over $5million (RM16million).  They got married back in 2009 and now parents to baby Blue Ivy.

For such skinny fingers, that’s really a pain to my eye. I have fat, stubby finger. That gave me a legit reason to demand for a one carat at least, right? *wink*

Back to reality….

Not everyone agrees with the idea of marriage.

“It’s just a piece of paper. A contract. Useless.”

I get their point, I totally do. Do you really need to sign a paper to spend time with your loved ones? If you truly love someone, all you want is to spend your life, growing old with them.

This marriage certificate allows you to steal his fortune away should he decides to cheat on you, I guess. But if you have kids before marriage in this country, your offsprings will be labelled as anak luar nikah. That’s not nice, is it? They can’t get a citizenship with that.

Look at Isabella Leong, she dated Richard Lee (the son of Li Ka Shing, a HK tycoon) for three years. She is/was a celebrity in the HK entertainment industry. Well, the interesting part is that, within those three years, she gave birth to three sons, a pair of twins (boys) and another son. The shocking part is when they separated shortly after the birth of the third son. So, where’s the wedding ring? Where’s the wedding bells? None chiming for this couple?

According to the media reports, she has been raising all three boys in Canada since the split. She was given a lump sum of money to relocate to Canada to avoid the press.

That’s not even a marriage. What do you even call this? Will this be a trend?

It’s becoming a trend for brides and grooms to performance for their guests.

It could be a flash mob or just a performance! I personally enjoy watching them perform. They chemistry is just way awesome.

Do you remember Ella from the famous Taiwanese girl band, S.H.E? She is married to a Malaysian and had one of their wedding ceremony in Melaka. Well, suddenly, she strip off her knee length dress to a super short, sequinned red dress and started dancing with her husband. The video went viral, because: 1. She’s so adorable. 2. She’s just too awesome.

This is the video of Ella and her husband.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwkb9aOx4Ew

And this is of Anna Kendrick with Jake Gyllenhaal from the movie End of Watch

This is a youtube sensation 🙂

One important note: If you can’t sing, please don’t sing.

I dont mean to be rude, but I have attended weddings where the brides sings as she enters the dinner hall, with all the spotlights shining on her. Suddenly, her husband starts singing. It must be a miracle if both parties have the singing ability. The idea is, if your partner can’t sing, tell him/her. Don’t let them humiliate themselves in public.

So, if you are the fun and outgoing type of couple, I dare you to dance for your wedding 🙂

Worry not, because you’re not alone.

You would toss and turn in the bed, thinking of the 1001 things that could go wrong. Fret not, there’s nothing that a warm cup of lemon tea can’t manage.

1. My guest will not show up for my wedding

Hey! Malaysians may be known for being late, but they do show up! When I was younger (about 9 or 10), I had to attend so many weddings with my mum. Cousins that I’ve never met before, aunts that I’ve never heard off and yet all claimed to be relatives. Hey, my family name is Lim, does that make Genting Highland mine? Kidding. All I am saying is that there is a valid behind your mum and dad attending all of these unknown and unheard of relatives of yours. It is an unsaid tradition that the wedding couple will have to return the favour by attending yours. It’s customary. So, everyone will turn up.

2. Bad weather on my wedding day

Oh mother nature. You sure can’t win her. Always remember, the sun will shine after the storm is over. If you are having a wedding in KL, be prepared to start your dinner late as most of your guests will be stuck in the massive jam. And if you are planning a garden wedding, don’t forget to check the weather forecast. Even thought we, Malaysian, don’t really use the weather forecast. But hey, you don’t want to risk it.

3. I will trip on my wedding gown

Just yesterday, my boyfriend showed me a YouTube video of the modellings falling down during their catwalk. Wait, I’m not jinxing your wedding, or mine. All I am saying it, don’t worry. You will be fine. You won’t be strutting and walking so fast with a 9 feet train behind you. You will take your time, and you bridesmaids will be right behind you, supporting you, should you require it.

4. I will look ugly at all my photos

Please, please, please do a test run with your make-up artist. My sister definitely did not look her best on her wedding day and decided on doing her own make for the wedding dinner. So, the lesson here is to have a trial with the make-up design. *Not everyone looks good in smokey eyes. I tried and I looked sepet. 🙂