OPRAH WINFREY – “IF HE HITS YOU ONCE, HE WILL HIT YOU AGAIN”
Have you ever been into an abusive relationship? Or have you witnessed one growing up?
As for my childhood, I’ve witnessed an unhealthy dosage of violence between my parents. Fortunately, my mum took us and left him once she was able to care for us.
Examples of an abusive relationship:
- If he or she is hitting, pushing or locking you up, that’s a clear indicator.
- If he or she is constantly criticizing you or controlling what you wear, eat, see or even speak too.
- If he or she is forcing you to do sexual things you don’t want to
- Here’s a real life story of a close friend of mine, Ellie* who was once a part of a 6-year abusive relationship. They were best friends before dating. He would go the extra mile to put a smile on her face. However, the man she saw herself marrying turned into a monster 9 months into the relationship.
Why does the victim STAY?
Quoting Ellie*, “He was my Krytonite. The one who hurt you will always be the first to comfort you back. Hence, turning the situation into a cycle. I got used to the whole process of him hurting and comforting me at the same time. I knew he would always return to me after the drama.”
“He could never win in a verbal argument. His strength would be physical. That is his only way to shut me up in a disagreement. It all starting with a lot of pushing and hair pulling. He would grab my arms and shove me around. Sometime, he would choke me.”
Many asked why would any victim would continue dating her abuser. “I would have asked the same until I was standing in the shoe of the victim. The first sign of abuse came when he slapped me in the midst of a heated argument and that’s when the abusive stage of the relationship started.”
“The last straw came when he told me that he wanted to put this relationship on hold for 3 months to date another girl who was on her summer break and she will be back in Malaysia. I couldn’t accept this, but I tried keeping my cool because I still had feelings for him. There was no contacts, no messages, no calls… no nothing.”
The girl never left after three months.
Ellie* has been out of this relationship for 22 months and had learn to love herself more.
Words of advice?
“He will not be the last man you will ever love.”
Another friend of mine, Lia* was also a part of an abusive relationship. Lia* dated Adam* for two years and the first sign of abuse started after 18 months of dating. There was a misunderstanding between them but Adam’s* anger took over and slapped her twice.
That was the Lia’s* first encounter with violence in her life. Immediately, she took off and ended the relationship. After days of apology and pleading, she gave in and forgave him. 6 months later, they got into another argument in the car and throughout the 15 minute journey, he was just hitting her again and again. She was in a helpless situation. She couldn’t leave the car. She didn’t have the strength to defend herself. It was a horrible nightmare.
Once they have arrived at Adam’s* house, Lia* got down the car immediately and went to Adam’s* parents for help which made him even angrier. Adam’s* dad came forward and stopped him for continuing the violence. Lia* left and never once looked back at this again.
“Taking in any type of abuse is not a sign of a healthy relationship”
*- Real names have been changed due to personal protection and security.
